The Value / Reward System of Self Confidence, part 4 of 4

This latest installment by Jim McElwee on self confidence may confuse some people; Jim addresses personal value systems as the source of self confidence.

Most people would say that faith in oneself is the source of self confidence. This makes sense. Now, let’s look at faith in oneself from a larger perspective.

The way we gain faith in ourselves is from… our abilities. Where else? What do we get in return for our performance values and abilities?…

Rewards. Concrete rewards such as money and vacations for our work are obvious, but wherein do we gain confidence from rewards? When that reward is in the form of admiration or agreement from others for our work, we gain confidence.1 We also gain rewards from our positive perspective of the way others see us; this is a form of self reward.3

Rewards also come in the form of observing accuracy, uniqueness, and beauty within our works, from ourselves as well as others. In this sense, the work itself can be self rewarding; self rewarding works can happen in any field such as science, art, athletics, etc. As long as we remain true to our works to sustain and grow that accuracy, uniqueness and beauty, we gain confidence to perform within that chosen field.

Now, for the big picture: What did we have to do to gain those rewards?.. We practiced.2 Most likely, we practiced with the benefit of mentors or teachers who taught us the value of discipline. In fact, our greatest rewards start with admiration from our mentors who taught us the value of discipline.

As we see, in a round about way, Jim McElwee is completely correct. What he discusses as personal values, I discuss in previous posts as martial morality. Of course, I have also discussed Biblical Values, but martial morality also embraces these same traits. One of my favorite texts that includes martial morality is Baguazhang: Theory and Applications. For now, please compare Jim McElwee’s post to what I have told you so far. I will elaborate further:

Today I’d like to finish up our exploration of self confidence and take a look at the final (and most advanced) quality of the confident individual: a system of personal values. The development of personal values may sound like a daunting task, but it is an often overlooked foundation on which many aspire to build a working positive model for their lives.

A value system helps us develop a “big picture” that turns us from an ordinary person striving to achieve small goals that may seem meaningless at first into a dynamic and healthy individual that can push for the “big picture” of his or her life. The value system is one of the most important things we can develop as human beings, and the burden of responsibility for developing them rests solely on each individual, though many will choose to borrow ideas from others. This too is a choice, and each person must decide which of these values they make a part of their lives.

A mature and well thought out system of values adds weight to everything you do and helps you gain an understanding of your own self worth. It also ensures that you don’t encounter obstacles beyond your ability to “act commendably” in your eyes. Self worth is a sort of nourishment to the mind that helps you get out of bed in the morning with a desire to act, and act well. Unfortunately, many people focus on past shortcomings and allow them to deteriorate their sense of self worth rather than learn from them. Remember that the ultimate goal is the realization of your dreams and the decision to transform yourself into who you wish to be. And if you come to the realization that your life is exactly the way you want it to be, then you’re well on your way to building a powerful aura of self confidence.

Though you may have to work toward what you wish to have, the tools required to transform yourself into who you wish to be are at your disposal right now. You can begin at any point. And remember our entrainment therapy is there to help you. It can be found at confidence.php

No one can tell you exactly how you should decide which values are right for you. This is exactly what makes them valuable. They are yours and yours alone. What do you find yourself admiring about others? When are you happy and unhappy? These are good questions to start with, but you will always be adding to your value system as you progress through life and gain in wisdom and experience. And all through it your basic foundation – that immutable inner voice, will tell you how you’re doing. When you have made contact with this inner voice and nurture your values with action, you will be more confident not only in your interactions with other people, but also the important relationship you have with yourself. Know what is valuable, so you can either find or develop it from within.

Perhaps most important is to understand that you must be consistent with values. Don’t let them slip away when you succeed only to appear again when you do not. Let yourself be empowered so you can better serve what is important to you in the future. A confident person is one who has an intimate knowledge of their strengths and a genuine interest in not being conquered by their weaknesses. Do this and your confidence will be noticed by others.

Introspection is a very important aspect of our entrainment, so when you look into your mind and see the person you wish to be, take notice of the respect you feel toward this person. Thank you for taking the time to read our manual on confidence boosting. Never underestimate the power of your own mind to do great things.

Have a safe and enlightened journey!

Jim McElwee

In a section in the Fine Art of Storytelling, you can see the traits of martial morality:

Morality of deed includes humility, respect, righteousness, trust, and loyalty.

Morality of mind consists of will, endurance, perseverance, patience, and courage.

These are the types of traits that help us gain rewards through our works, thus gaining us self confidence. This value system may seem alien to those who were not raised with these traits; this is unfortunate. Without these traits, a person cannot know true rewards, therefore, they cannot know true self confidence.

For example, without humility, as I discuss at Learning Tool Parable for Education: Humility, we lack the discipline to learn, to practice, to improve our work, to gain rewards, to gain self confidence.

In turn, we need our mentors to teach us these values; this is their purpose. The values are as important as the work derived from them. Without the proper mentors to teach us a personal value system, we stray into grey areas of our lives where we don’t really care about our work or the world around us or the self confidence that could have been achieved otherwise.

Unfortunately, these grey areas of life apply to most people who lack personal values.

For lack of proper mentors most of my young life, I had to turn to myself for deep introspection and then reach into esoteric places to find proper mentors. I mention most of my mentors in this blog and the HealingMindN website. From personal experience, some of my greatest rewards is the admirationI gain from my mentors for my work.

For lack of proper mentors for most people, which is happening right now, we have to turn to ourselves for true introspection. The aforementioned traits of martial morality can be applied anywhere by anyone in any field:

Morality of deed includes humility, respect, righteousness, trust, and loyalty.

Morality of mind consists of will, endurance, perseverance, patience, and courage.

We gain a true sense of ourselves by integrating these personal values into our lives. When we stay true to ourselves, we work in our chosen fields and live our lives with real self confidence.

Thank you for your time.

Healing Thoughts,

Randolph Fabian Directo


1 Brain study shows that the opinions of others matters; PhysOrg

2 Why (smart) practice makes perfect; PhysOrg

3 Confidence is key to gauging impressions we make

Addendum: In the posts that deal with the traits of truly evil people (of Psalms 73), you should take note that they DO have a few traits of martial morality. Understanding how these traits exist in evil people offers further insight into influencing them:

Loyalty: They remain loyal to their superiors insofar as doing so rewards them. Evil people are more interested in concrete rewards (including perverse sensation) rather than abstract rewards of admiration and agreement.

Righteousness: In terms of self righteousness, it’s a different kind of righteousness evil people have. Because they do not have all the necessary traits of martial morality, they endeavor to do what’s wrong and get involved in issues that are none of their business, yet maintain a clear conscience. Their “wisdom mind” is tempered by life negative values.

Perseverance: Evil people are studious insofar as it helps with their evil genius to gain more power and control no matter the destruction and devastation they may cause. In a way, evil mentors are closer to being proper mentors because, at least, they are teaching a “value system.”

Patience: Evil people have patience to a certain extent, especially when illiciting events that gain them power and control (e.g. number of days from Hitler’s B’day 20 April, 1889 to the beginning of the Gulf Holocaust = 11 X 11 days). They will even “pass the torch” through generations to accomplish their evil schemes and “master plans.”

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One thought on “The Value / Reward System of Self Confidence, part 4 of 4

  1. This post if taken to heart will change anyone’s life. I have always understood that values are important as they change the direction of one’s life, however your quote, from the work of Jim that:

    “A value system helps us develop a “big picture” that turns us from an ordinary person striving to achieve small goals that may seem meaningless at first into a dynamic and healthy individual that can push for the “big picture” of his or her life”,

    hits hard on how vital the establishment of a solid system of named and lived values are to a life or positive meaning.

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